When I was a sophomore in high school, I lost my best friend. It was the hardest thing to get over at such a young age. I never thought that I would have to figure out how to mourn at their expense but I did. That moment in life affected me in many ways and I had to find ways to cope.
That’s when I started writing “Letters to You”. “Letters to you” started because it was better for me to write down what I was thinking instead of keeping it inside. It also helped to form it as a letter so that I could feel some kind of closure with the situation. Now I write letters for good and bad situations. “Letters to You” is my therapy.
This is a letter I wrote to my best friend on the ninth anniversary of his death. Anniversaries are hard and this one is the hardest. Writing this letter gave me the opportunity to cry, laugh, start to understand, and everything in between.
I miss you. To think that it’s been almost 10 years since you were taken away from me. My heart still hurts. My soul still yearns. I miss our late night conversations. I miss our joking session (your laugh was so obnoxious). Why did it have to be you? Why did it have to be so soon? We were suppose to do so much in this lifetime together. That’s all we ever talked about, Our futures. Now I’m forced to go through this life without you. I have to figure it out by myself. I use to really hate you for leaving me. You were never suppose to leave me. Then I hated myself for hating you.
I remember that morning like it was yesterday. I felt my whole heart break into small piece. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t do anything. I cried for days. I cried for weeks. Your funeral was the worst thing I’ve ever had to experience. That was the moment I had to accept that you were gone forever. Sometimes I still feel you presents here beside me. I still believe that you’re rooting for me and I just want to make you proud. I love you with everything in me. You were and will always be my best friend. You were everything that my 15 year old self needed. You helped me through a lot of things. And you gave me a lot confidence in myself. You never let me give up or be hard on myself. Thank you for being my guardian angel. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being you.
I love you Maurice Beck. You are always in my heart.
It’s my goal to write at least one “Letters to You” a month, just to share a personal piece of me. I hope that my letters and stories can help you in any way possible. Hopefully my pain can be your comfort, and my joy can be your reminder. Whatever you happen to get from any of my letters, always remember that the sun will shine again.
